While it isn’t the most virtuous thing in the world, you’ve probably muttered a well-timed moan that wasn’t 100 percent genuine or indulged in some sexy talk that felt a little unnatural. It happens. Honesty and speaking up to ask for what you want is of course the ideal, but sometimes you just can’t help yourself. Raise your hand if you’ve ever uttered one of these sex lies:
1. “I really wasn’t expecting this.” Actually, you wore this sexy underwear and waxed off everything from the waist down, just in case. You were totally prepared should the opportunity arise that you’d want to have sex tonight. But yeah, you can pretend you’re impeccably groomed and wearing this lacy lingerie every Tuesday…we won’t tell.
2. “No one’s ever done that amazing swirly tongue move before!” Except every guy you’ve ever been with…But hey, that’s because it works, so you say this to keep the positive reinforcement coming. We get it.
3. “It’s the biggest I’ve ever seen.” What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?
4. “I love it when you talk dirty to me.” Right, because moaning about how his “trouser snake just wants a little petting” is a total panty dropper. Actually, it sounds kind of porny, but we appreciate the effort.
5. “Oh yeah, right there!” But actually, maybe a little higher and a smidge to the left? See, this is where the truth just doesn’t sound half as sexy. That said, it also won’t get you an orgasm, so…
6. “Of course I think about you the entire time!” It’s not your fault you can visualize Chris Hemsworth’s perfect form the second you close your eyes. Your fantasies are a secret you’re completely entitled to.
7. “You’re the best I’ve ever had.” I mean, are you really supposed to fess up and explain that your ex gave you multiples that almost made you black out? Who would come out of that conversation happier than they went into it? No one—that’s who.
8. “You look so sexy when you come.” O faces are pretty hot in the moment, but they can turn into major sources of giggles when you remember them later.
9. “It’s okay, it happens to all guys.” Isn’t this just what you’re supposed to say when he can’t set sail? It’s like, “You can totally pull off that bob!” and “Aw, your baby is so cute!” You just say it, and everybody is happy.
10. “I love you.” Whoops. Quick, fix it with “…your penis! I love your penis!” or just cross your fingers and hope he was too distracted by your naked body to hear you.
11. “I came.” Actually you didn’t, but you wanted to make them feel better/get it over with/felt embarassed/knew it wasn’t going to happen tonight/whatever. Just don’t do it again.