From having a ‘type’ and being too picky to even posting cryptic statuses, our experts reveal all the ways you could be sabotaging your chances of finding love.
Your social media
The Inner Circle founder, David Vermeulen, says your social media channels may be the reason you are single.
‘Try to refrain from posting your political stance on controversial topics such as Brexit and immigration online.
‘Broadcasting your political views on your social media channels can successfully eliminate any potential suitors with opposing views from making an approach before you have even met, meaning that you may never meet the man/woman of your dreams, all due to one off the cuff remark,’ he suggests.
He also warns against posting cryptic statuses, such as: ‘my life is like a black hole, everything good gets swallowed up’.
He explains: ‘Of course, as empathetic human beings, we care if something bad is happening to you. But, a cryptic status like this serves us in no way whatsoever. All the reader gets out of this self-indulgent status is a sense that you would be a nightmare to be in a relationship with.’
David also says posting too many selfies can put off potential suitors, explaining that they may think that you are self-absorbed or very narcissistic and refrain from approaching you. ‘Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who cares more about the selfie lighting situation on a date, than the date itself, I doubt it?’, he asks.
Jack Knowles, founder of dating app Temptr, says that many single people that he encounters seem to carry a typical ‘woe is me attitude’ when it comes to explaining to friends and family members the reason behind why they haven’t yet found ‘the one’ to settle down with, especially once they have reached a certain age.
‘Sadly, this method of feeling sorry for oneself can very much exacerbate a situation and gives potential suitors a reason to stay away,’ he said. ‘Basically, it’s hard to find a partner when you reek of desperation.’
You’re too picky
Lucy Jones, relationship expert at ToyboyWarehouse.com, says the internet is to blame for us being too picky.
She said: ‘Before the explosion of internet dating and social media, you had just a handful of potential partners. You either ended up dating a friend of a friend, a coworker, or someone you bumped into at the coffee shop. How many potential partners do we have now? Hundreds of thousands!
‘You get chatting to a guy online, you’re thinking of taking things to the next level and meeting up. He seems great and all, but with so many other profiles out there how can you commit? There are scores of other guys just a few taps away, maths tell us one of them is almost certainly a better fit for you.
‘How do you get over this? By being less picky? Well sort of. You might have access to tens of thousands of single potential partners, but it’s going to take an entire lifetime to judge them all.’
She recommends changing your mindset and stopping concentrating on future lost chances, instead focussing on what will make you content today.
‘I have a type’
Lucy Jones says that dating is a buffet – the best way to build your preferences is to sample everything on offer.
She explains: ‘The issue is when we judge someone on whether they are our type or not, we do so on surface level appearances and personality traits. But when we date someone, it’s the characteristics under the surface level which dictate whether or not they’re a fit for us.’
So, she recommends branching out and dating guys who you usually wouldn’t date. ‘Get to know a personality you’ve never experienced before. Maybe you won’t find your dream guy, maybe you will. What you’re bound to gain, however, is a better understanding of what you want in a partner.’
You haven’t let go of an ex
Your future relationships are affected by a wide range of things, your connection to your ex is one of the most impactful, says Lucy.
‘You might notice the conscious changes your ex has caused (e.g. staying away from guys that remind you of your ex, not going to locations that hold some kind of significance), but there are so many unconscious changes that you’re probably unaware of.
‘Don’t worry, we are a product of our experiences so this is perfectly normal. However, where it becomes dangerous is when these unconscious changes stop us from starting new relationships and forming new connections.
‘If you think you’re a victim of this, it’s important to concentrate on breaking off your feelings for your past relationships before ever starting a new one. For certain occasions a new love will make the break-up easier, but it’s rare and it’s hardly fair on your new partner. Break-ups are between two people, don’t endanger something special by starting a relationship before you’re totally unconnected.’
So how can you find the one? As Lucy explains, when Prince Charming was trying to find Cinderella he visited every house in the kingdom, trying that glass slipper on every foot he could; he didn’t just keep his fingers crossed hoping she’d show up.
‘I’m not saying you need to travel the country knocking on every man’s door,’ she said. ‘Just try being open to new experiences and meeting new people. Expand your experiences and escape your comfort zone. By saying yes to the world you’re improving your chances of bumping into Prince Charming. Unfortunately he’s not going to turn up at your door while you’re watching Netflix in bed.
‘Learn to enjoy rolling the dice more often, eventually you’ll hit the jackpot.’
Credit: Daily Mail