Hi everyone, I’ve been turning this situation over and over in my head but finding no solution. Perhaps you friendly readers can give me an objective view.
I had been going out with my ex for three and a half years, all long distance but we’d see each other on most weekends unless he went away since he was in the military. A year into our relationship he cheated on me with a prostitute.
I’m certainly not proud of it, but shortly thereafter I ended up cheating on him with a friend of mine and continued to hook up with him a few times. We both told each other about our infidelities but I didn’t tell him the whole story because he became very violent (not towards me but punching walls etc) and aggressive.
After that, I never told him the extent of my infidelity but always wanted to but was scared of the outcome. For the next two and a half years, I was faithful to him but he cheated on me a few more time with more prostitutes. Throughout this all, he was abusing etc.
I tried to get us into counseling but he didn’t want to go and would somehow sabotage my efforts. He finally got booted from the military for drugs and moved back home. He went through rehab and stayed clean for ten months.
We broke up for a month over a fight about a girl I thought he was hooking up with. During this time, I believe he messed around with at least one person that he told me about. I hooked up again one more time with my old friend from before but when my ex and I got back together I didn’t tell him about it.
My ex moved to a different state and began to go to school. Four months ago he started working at a place where a girl had a crush on him. I saw him four weeks ago and everything seemed to be going well, however I found out he was smoking and drinking again. While he was drunk he began to tell me about this girl at work and how she gave him her number and told him to come to her place for dinner.
I was pissed. I didn’t mention it until I came back from visiting him. We had an argument and hung up. Normally he’d call me every single night, but didn’t call me for two weeks. Finally I called him and he was really mean and told me to move on and that we were broken up. He said that he could be really mean if he wanted to.
I told him to not hold back and he said that he was seeing someone else and sleeping with them. My body went cold and into shock, I blurted out that if we were being honest with each other I might as well tell him the whole story about my infidelity.
I told him about my friend (we don’t speak at all anymore) and how it happened a few times way back when and once when we broke up for a month. He was pissed and told me he was seeing his coworker and that she wanted to call me up to tell me I lost my man, blah blah blah.
We basically talked here and there throughout the weekend and from our conversations I found out:
- 1. this girl has two kids from two different dads
- 2. she said she had her first child on purpose to trick the baby’s father into marrying her
- 3. she’s still married to her first child’s father b/c she can’t afford a divorce (which is approximately $250 in that state)
- 4. she told my ex if he wants to get married/have a kid within a year, she is down for it
- 5. she has never gone to school and never plans on it
- 6. she is mean to her kids and tells them to shutup and she’s mean to everyone else but nice to him and he knows she’s a “good person” that she wants him to “love her”
- 7. she calls him 24/7 when they aren’t at work together
- 8. she told him to give her his financial aid check to put in her child’s saving account b/c he can’t “handle his money”
- 9. she told him to move in with her and if he has too much stuff to sell some of it
- 10. she told him she doesn’t think she’ll like his mom b/c she feels like she’s judging her for having two kids without even knowing her
Basically the list goes on and on and whatever negatives I’ve stated above are the opposite of me, as far as I know his family loved me, I have an education, no kids, don’t want him for his money, let him do whatever he wanted, supported him ALL the time, was kind and considerate to him, AND I have straight teeth!
But two weeks ago he told me to stop calling him because it’s causing problems with her and that he’d call me. I haven’t heard from him, he didn’t respond to my email and he wouldn’t pick up his phone. I’m tempted to fly out to where he is but I’m actually afraid she’d try to kick my butt.
I know I need to move on and that our relationship is so jacked anyways but I can’t stop obsessing about him with her. I can’t figure out why he wants her other than the s*x but it totally grosses me out. I’m at the end of my rope, seeing a therapist, and even went to a psychic today that swindled me and told me some b.s.
Anyways dear readers, I still love him and I want to knock some sense into him. There’s been a lot of b.s. throughout our time together but I always believed he was a good loving person who had issues with drug ,. I love him unconditionally, but I won’t have him cheating on me and ruining my life.
His mom says he’ll snap out of it and come to in a few weeks but it has already been that long. I’m afraid he’ll never call me. My friends and family think he’s a dog and should have been kicked to the curb ages ago. Everyone says he’ll call me when he’s down and out in a few months but to not take him back.
The sick thing is that all I want now if for him to call me. I guess I always believed that he did jacked up things but that he did love me.
What do you guys think will happen? Thanks for reading.