Whether it’s a friendship, courtship, or work relationship… we’ve all been there. At a place where we find ourselves asking… “Why am I in this relationship?”
The writing has been on the wall for a minute. You know the relationship has run it’s course, but find it hard to let go.
Sometimes people are unaware of their behavior. If you find that you have a friend/mate who you feel could be a better friend/mate, express your feelings to them. If they are a true friend, they won’t be offended. Take this also as an opportunity to ask them what you can do ,to be a better friend/mate to them. You might be surprised at their answer as well. But don’t be offended.
If you find yourself avoiding certain conversations, constantly apologizing or making excuses for their behavior then you may be in a toxic relationship. If something feels wrong, then more than likely something is wrong.
So how do you know if it’s time to move on? When the relationship becomes dangerous, harmful, damaging, hurtful, or unhealthy.
Here are a few signs it may be time to move on:
Whether it’s verbal or physical, it’s hurtful. If you’re in a relationship where name calling is the norm, you’re without a doubt in a toxic relationship. If arguments and disagreements turn physical, you’re in a toxic relationship.
Most people who find themselves in a long term relationship with an abusive person, stay because they think they can change them. You can’t change the unhealthy behaviors of an abuser. They have to want to change. The only thing you can do is pray for them, wish them well, and let God do the changing. Your safety should be your number one priority.
How do you protect yourself from a relationship with a potential abuser? You pay attention to the red flags.
A control freak is going to keep track of whom you’re with and where you are. Telling you what to wear, picking your friends, threatening to commit suicide, eventually attempting to control every aspect of your life. Control freaks can become emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. They will check your email account, cell phone, or social media accounts, to see who you are communicating with, or maybe even track your every move by GPS.
If you can’t look at or talk to a member of the opposite sex without generating suspicions of cheating, this is a sign of trouble. Some find this kind of attention flattering. Don’t be flattered, be careful.
They want you all to themselves. You feel loved and adored because this person wants to spend all of their free time with you. It isn’t that they want to spend time with you, they don’t want you spending time with anyone else. In their mind, you belong to them and time or attention spent on anyone else is a threat to them.
You’re Idolizing Them
Sometimes we place our relationship with God on the back burner without even realizing it. We don’t give it our all like we do everything else.
Let’s be honest, we are all passionate about something. Whether it’s a career, a hobby, material things, or a relationship. You have something that makes your heart sing, so to speak… something or someone that you love more than anything on this earth. We are taught from a young age that when we love something or someone we are to put our heart into it and give it our all. But, if you’re not careful, that passion and love can easily turn into idolatry.
Sometimes we become doormats in our relationships, hoping our loved ones will learn how to treat us better. We know we deserve better, but we timidly swallow our feelings for fear of pushing our loved ones away. If you have a loved one who’s particularly disrespectful, decide that you won’t take it anymore. Let them know that (s)he will either treat you as you deserve to be treated or lose your friendship. If they don’t change, remain true to your word and love them from a distance. Even though you’ve said goodbye, Forgiveness is key.
Who has any tolerance for being disrespected? I hope no one does, actually. Willingly subjecting yourself to disrespectful people can cause plenty of problems, such as poor self esteem, bottled up anger, and stress. However, jumping to conclusions that you are being disrespected (when you are not) can cause plenty more problems.
A lot of people get into relationships thinking they can change or save someone. We set out to try to make this person “see the light”, make this person who we want them to be instead of accepting them for who they really are. Which is good in theory but not in reality.
If you meet someone, you’re attracted to them, but the two of you are not equally yoked, there are ways that you can minister to that person without being romantically involved with them. Let them evolve into the Christian God needs for them to be before you become emotionally vested in a relationship that was built on a shaky foundation to begin with . Until then, guard your heart.
Most of the time, an unequally yoked relationship will become too much of a bad influence. It will start to pull you away from God instead of leading you closer to Him.