I am a huge fan of Game of Thrones (GoT) and after seeing “An hour of Ice and Fire” where Khaleesi dealt with the sex-crazed and potty-mouthed khans by setting the Dothraki hut ablaze, I was filled with so much excitement that I called a friend, Tiwa to share my expectation for the next episode. As Tiwa picked up the phone and we started talking, I noticed that her responses were curt and her tone flat. I had to end all the GoT talk and ask her what was wrong. She surprisingly broke into tears and started to narrate the story of how her boyfriend had embarrassed her earlier in the day, in front of their friend.

According to Tiwa, she had gone over to his place early in the morning to drop off the packs of food she had made for him to put in his freezer. Although she had called him before setting out and still called his phone when she got to his apartment, he had left her standing at the entrance knocking for almost 10 minutes before opening the door. It wasn’t all. After she put the bowls of food in the freezer, she headed to his room to give him a kiss before leaving as any loving girlfriend would do. On getting to his room, however, one of his friends (also a friend of hers) who had spent the weekend with him and was in the room with him, mentioned to the boyfriend that he needed to give Tiwa a key to the apartment. Before she could say a word in protest, her boyfriend of three good years had already replied, “For what now? When she is not my wife?”

Of course, I couldn’t do much but just listen and sympathise with her. She had not asked for my advice and actually, I could see that she was finally at the place where she could see that her boyfriend was not in love with her. He was only stringing her along until the marriage benefits she was giving him runs out… or until he finds the benefits elsewhere.

Tiwa met him at the point in her life when she was going through the “i-want-to-get-married” phase and was a little desperate.  In the bid to show him that she was wife material and secure him for marriage, she started to give him the benefits of marriage: round-the-clock sex, home-cooked meals, cleaning his house, etc. Of course, we (Tiwa and I) had had fights over it all; I constantly told her that playing wife was not only inappropriate, it would take away the incentive for him to take the next step and marry her, but she wouldn’t listen.

Think about it, why marry the woman when you can get the wife for free?

In my opinion, there is a very big difference between a boyfriend and a husband – many of which circle around devotion, commitment, and understanding. The two are not interchangeable at all. If they were the same, what would be there to look forward to in marriage?

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